Losing my way (a work in progress)

I went visiting a friend yesterday
and lost my way.

I drove for an hour
To a place merely half hour away,
Going round in circles
Getting no where.

I drove for an hour
To a place I barely remember,
Getting into
One way streets
Alleys and byways;
'Why can’t I find this place?’

As I drove endlessly
Through streets that held
a vague sense of remembrance
I felt a sense of Shame,
Of my incompetency
To navigate
Through the streets and alleys
In a land
I call Home;

The ghost of my childhood past
Came mocking me from
From the recesses of my memories
I felt the scorning stares
Of those who once held my esteem,

I heard the sneering voices in my head,
‘Why can’t you do this right?’
As the feeling intensified
to an unbearable pain inside,

Something snapped inside
Like a dry twig on a hot afternoon;
I took my first deep breath
and regained my clarity.

Why must I know where I’m going at every moment of the day?
Why can’t I discover the journey and the destination?
Why can’t my way be this way?

One hour and twenty minutes later;
I sit with my good friend
With a smile and a story
Over a cup of warm lemon tea
And chat of life.